The Rumble Rally
Episode 2: Backwards' Bargain Bazaar

Moments later...

Count Backwards uncharacteristically peeks at his rear-view mirror and notices a speeding little sports car coming up behind him fast.  It's that feisty Miss Kitten Caboodle - top down, music blaring as she roars past him, eyes fixed determinedly on the road ahead.  Intently she brushes her hand before her face trying to clear away the smoky black exhaust fumes belching from Count Backwards' enormous tin lizzy.  Consumed in her thoughts, she hasn't noticed the car's driver, nor his rather vulgar gestures cast in her direction.

Count Backwards furiously shakes his leather-clad fist at her. "Now I must seize my chance! I'll take a short cut and head the little minx off with a detour of some sort" Backwards says with vexation as he grabs at the glove compartment for his RAC Unofficial A to Z of Short Cuts, Back Alleys, and Secret Tress-passages . He selects a particularly sneaky yet scenic route, as it's a nice day.  His addled mind is working almost as quickly as his heap is traveling, and he thinks to himself,   "I'm sure I packed my ACME (patented) Female Diversion Kit (guaranteed results on anyone possessing more than their fair share of x chromosomes) in anticipation of this opportunity!"  Quickly glancing at the upside-down map on the seat next to him, Count B. takes the first exit off the road and heads west when he should be going east....

Meanwhile, Lady Lavinia Kydd Leatherette is trying to find room in the boot of her car for her last minute purchases.  She casually pushes aside several pairs of shoes, changes of clothing, and a well-oiled, travel-size Howitzer.  Moving to the front of the car, she tears the parking ticket off the windscreen and places it on another vehicle, then hops in behind the wheel.  A gentle smirk creeps across her luscious lips as she tucks a betting slip behind the sun visor. 

Ms. Pitstop also continues on her journey to the racetrack.  A sentimental tear causes her goggles to steam up, so she stops along the roadside to stretch her legs.  She hadn't realised just how much she missed her old asylum adversary, Aubrey.  She thinks to herself, "Perhaps if his silly doppelganger Count Backwards didn't dislike me so much we could have joined forces.   What with his fiendish good looks and my finishing school education, we could have set up "Chaos and Cream Teas," our very own subversive publications book shop and tea rooms in Portmeirion, trading in underground international best sellers like Revolution for Fun and Profit , Contemporary Contrebande , and Final Solutions: The Feng Shui Way .  Oh well, he wouldn't recognise me now anyway - well, not without the straight jacket - and even if he did, could he ever forgive me after what I did to his sidekick Boris?"  She shudders briefly.   "Boy, that pit was deep.  And those rats were very hungry.  And the pendulum was sharp; it was a masterstroke, really.  Get it? Stroke? Pendulum?"  She sniggers and giggles while putting her goggles back on, climbs astride her modified Bullet 500, and kicks it to life.   Off she roars again towards the track. 

Now our attention turns to the Double X Crossroads. Count Backwards is fully aware that most of the race participants will use this route to get to the track and will therefore pass by this very spot.  Despite previous directional difficulties, he manages to arrive in good time before his intended targets and begins to set his trap.  Hurriedly he unpacks the ACME kit and becomes a flurry of activity with paint and nails erecting a structure on a prominent position at the crossroads.  At last satisfied with his handiwork, he creeps away behind what appears to be a perfectly normal shop front to where he has hidden his jalopy.   Indeed the little shop has a truly irresistible facade in pink and black:   "La Boutique a la Bacquards."

First to arrive at the crossroads is Lady Lavinia Kydd Leatherette.   She looks over at the shop, unable to resist staring at its bright colours and large friendly signage.

The sight of a cute pair of red high-heeled, peep-toe shoes and a rather large "sale" sign immediately distresses her.

"Oh my!   Do I possibly have time before the race to try them on?"

Hastily she parks up her hot rod and scurries into the "shop", fishing in her cleavage for spare cash.

Miss Kitten skids to a yielding stop at the crossroads.  Desperate not to waste a single moment, she anxiously looks about to ensure all is clear, then very slowly looks over her shoulder, not believing what she is seeing. 

She is in a state of complete disbelief at what she is witnessing - a notice in a shop window advertising designer labels at 75% off.  "What?! That can't possibly be true! I'll just have to go in and check this out for myself!" exclaims Miss Kitten as she hits the accelerator.  With a neat handbrake turn she's parked up and making a dash for the door, wallet in hand.


Ms Pitstop arrives moments later as if on cue.  As she slows down for the crossroads, she catches a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of something shiny and sparkly.  As if a mirage has risen in a desert, she sees before her the cutest little boutique - all stylish in its pink and black paintwork.  But to the window is where her gaze is lead.  She is hypnotised by what looks like diamond jewelery glinting in the morning sun, luring her like the song of a siren into the shop. 

Coasting into a parking space, she carefully switches the engine off, lifts the bike onto its centre stand, and walks slowly into the shop - eyes wide, mouth gaping, and face expressionless....

What bargains await the girls in Backwards' bazaar boutique?  Will the discount be too low to go to and the price too high to pay?  Stay tuned for the next enticing installment!

Character Profiles

© Pandora Pitstop •Site maintained by Mark (Thunzie) Paton